I ran! I ran! I RAN!!!! 6 weeks and 3days later.....

I got my X-rays yesterday and took them to my doctor today...everything looks clear!!!!
SOOOOO....he gave me the okay to RUN A HALF MILE! not much but it is something....

he told me to walk .25mi then jog .50mi  at an 8:30 pace and then walk another .25....so that's what I did and I had ZERO pain!!!!!

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO happy!!!

The plan is to just try this same thing every other day for the next week and then go from there!!

here's my happy face on the Treadmill tonight!!!

I didn't even have time to break a sweat but it just felt SOOOO good to run!

I have learned through this experience and especially the last 2wks that there are LOTS of other cross training methods that I LOVE and I don't want to give them up! ( I honestly didnt' expect to feel this way).  I think this is perfect since I prob won't run over 50miles a week for at least the next year.
I am excited to keep working on my cross fit and my spinning and turn this scrawny body into a sculpted one:)!

Today I went to Sara's Chisel class where we did rotating circuits...it was TOUGH..then after that she dragged me onto the "Gauntlet" as she calls it...it's the stair/escalator machine thingy....I was sweating like you would NOT believe! see for yourself: yuck!

So, I have been doing all sort of different things the last 2wks to target diff muscles and I LOVE it! I am already feeling more fit. I have gained 3lbs and i'm HOPING it's muscle;) lol....I'm kidding actually I really don't care how much I weigh as Long as I'm fit. I don't even own a scale.........and lets be honest I've been eating a lot more cheeseburgers and ice cream the last 2 wks also so it could just be that;)

I feel like this injury was a blessing in disguise b/c I NEVER would have tried all these other things if it hadn't been for not being able to run again. Amanda was right when she said 6wks ago "When one door closes, another door opens!"....well I feel like MANY doors have opened! It's really hard to see it in the beginning....time off from what you love can seem so terrible...but if you force yourself to get out there and try something new you just might find something you LOVE!
* I have learned that running is not EVERYTHING to me! If I couldn't run anymore, i'd be OKAY. I just love to exercise! I love to sweat! I love to push my body and there are LOTS of ways to do that!!


I really feel in my heart like I will be a much better, more well-rounded, athlete a year from now b/c of this:)
so grateful!!
I can already feel my thighs/quads getting bigger and stronger and my arms and abs as well. Running was never going to get me toned the way I want to be so adding on cross fit and Sara (she's my secret weapon) it is!!!!

cheers friends!

6wks down...2 to go

I promise once my routine is back to normal I will start blogging more..I suck right now.

today is 6wks:) celebrated by going to crossfit and lifting some weights...
I get a follow up xray tomorrow but today at my appt with John I passed all the testing to see how i'm healing:)
no pain when i jumped on one foot (the injured leg)....so within 2 wks I should be back to some VERY LIGHT running:):)
excited!!!!!!!! woohooo!!!!

what's next?......5wks and counting and a surprise.....

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE:

well today marks 5wks since I've run. (crazy huh?)

do I miss it? Oh yes..I miss it soooooooooooo much. IT IS TWICE AS HARD this year b/c I just went through this 11 mos ago. blah.


A year ago today I was finishing my first marathon....with a stress fracture. ironic, huh?;) I just realized this as I started writing actually.

SO.....I have had zero desire to write lately...OR to share OR to read. I'm sorry...there is no excuse for my lack of friendship I've offered....it's not that I haven't been reading b/c it makes me sad...or maybe it is.
I have just sort of ostersized myself from the running/blogging world b/c it just reminds me that I'm not running and then I end up focussing on that and those feelings so I guess my coping mechanism has been to just try not to think about it more than I have to, hoping time will pass more quickly:(.
 I haven't felt bitter or anything at those who are running, but I just haven't been able to stay "involved" in my current state the way I'd like to....or perhaps I've just chosen not to, I don't know...I haven't conciously thought much about it...just did it.
Hope my ramblings make sense?.

The last few days i've been struggling with the feeling that I'm not a runner anymore...it's strange...I hope that this doesn't continue b/c I love to run....but lately I feel a bit indifferent.  It's hard to describe. It just feels like too much some days -  that i've had 2 stress fractures in less than a year. it kills me!!!

Last year when I hit 7wks of time off with no running, I plumitted into a deep depression and decided to go on anti-depressants bc it was so bad. it sucked. I didn't see it coming, I didn't anticipate it, I just woke up one day and it was there.
So, now here I am at week 5 and I feel that darkness just barely starting to creep in...It's the feeling of 

"okay, enough is enough...5wks is enough, I just can't do another 3 weeks, (maybe more) without running".

BUT....I don't have a choice, do I?;) sooooooooo...pressing on I go.... trying to be optimistic, trying to fill my time with other good things....and hoping I can keep out the darkness for a few more weeks.


CROSS TRAINING:
I started spinning last week and Love it! It is really challenging....mostly b/c I have an AMAZING teacher. I have NEVER been to a class where the teacher was SO inspiring, SO motivating and knows JUST what to say to get you to work your hardest...and mostly she says Exactly what I need to hear! she speaks to my fitness heart:)
She has also quickly become a good friend as we learned we have lots of mutual friends, go to the same church and are having some similar struggles in our lives right now. This has been a HUGE blessing to me and I'm so thankful for her.   It is rare that you meet someone and within 5minutes you feel a kinship that is so real that you just KNOW that God has put them right there in front of you at that  TIME for a reason!.

This is Sara. 

Sweet, wonderful, CRAZY, Funny, inspiring, AMAZING Sara:)
Love her.

 I am hoping by spinning 2x a week and swimming 2x a week I can gain back some cardio fitness the next few weeks so I can slide back into running fairly smoothly....I am thinking I might need to use the Alter G treadmill for a while so i can get in some miles without putting all that weight on my leg:)

I am also planning to try CROSS FIT this week. I have always wanted to be more toned and Sarah ( my spin teacher) does it and is going to go with me:) yay!!!
I love new challenges! I THRIVE on productivity and progression.
If I am not progressing in my life in something that is very personal to me, it is impossible for me to feel happy.
I think that this spinning and crossfit will make me  a stronger athlete and for that i'm excited:)



SURPRISE!!:

So....I sort of....uuuhhhh..on a whim....without really thinking about it......Registered for the
St. George marathon on Oct 6.......
AAAAANNNNDD.....I sort of GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am SURPRISED and unsure of what to do now! I haven't even told steve and he very well might tell me we are not going but we'll see.
I want to get another 26.2 under my belt. I can't keep training for marathons to RACE them and end up injured...I think I want to try to run a few just for fun so I can get more experience before I try to RACE one....does this make sense??

so GOD WILLING (and my husband) I will be running St. George this year! CRAZY and SOOOOOOOOOO not part of my plan....but I am still secretly excited about the POSSIBILITY.

Hopefully Steve doesn't freak out when He finds out about this crazy thing I've done!:)


PICTURES:

Here are some photos of recent happenings and things that have made me happy:)

 My husband gave me his Cannon 5D...and I've been learning to use it. I have NEVER been interested in photography but I guess my new free time and having My own VERY fancy camera has sparked an interest!

 My new dark hair....i have A LOT of dark chunks in it. At first it freaked me out, but now I love it:)

My Abs....from LAST year:( after marathon training...I am hoping this will inspire me to get them BACK!

Celebrating Steve's 36th birthday at Ruth's Chris this past saturday. YUMMY!!!

Mothers day with my BEAUTIFUL little girls. 

Megan on the left at 7.5yrs and Erika on the right at 4.5yrs

 My new Mothers day outfit. I LOVE pencil skirts and I've always wanted a white one. 

Love the cardi too, thanks Steve!

today I took the girls out of school and spend the day at KAHNEETA!  with my girls and my super FAST friend Becky. Check out her blog at: http://bexrunman86.blogspot.com/

The warm spring mineral water was AMAZING!!!!

Feeling Inspired!

I have been on a blogging Hiatus. I really havne't had anything to say and I've just been ingnoring blog world all together...trying to keep myself busy and distracted.

I'm not even sure where I left off....
I'm at week 3 of recovery. 5 more to go before we can re-evaluate. I'm living with it.
I've done a few great Pool Jogging workouts and they are TOUGH...but I like it. Just harder to get myself to the pool and in the water compared to putting on my shoes and running out my door but that's okay. I better get used to it b/c it's gonna have to be part of my new life post-injury. I am just taking one day at a time right now and trying to do what I can each day instead of looking forward to the daunting 5wks ahead of me.

So...a few things that got me on here today: here we go ...it's gonna be bullet-point b/c I need to get my house clean!

1. Thanks Melody for doing an athlete-bio on me. So sweet and fun...you can check it out here;
http://willrunformargaritas.com/2012/05/athlete-bio-nicole-wagner.html

2. Amanda called me this morning and told me about Emily's race in Eugene. I HAD to check it out. I have followed Emily (when I am actually reading blogs) and the last I knew she was coming back after a broken foot....so to read that she ran a 3:08 at Eugene, I about pee'd my pants with excitement!
This post inspired me so much today!!! THANK YOU EMILY!


Why the hell CAN'T  I come back from this stupid stress fracture and run a kick-ass marathon next year?
I CAN...and I WILL! SHE is living proof....and Like Emily, I also have great mental strength when it comes to racing. When I was reading her blog I imagined it was MY race report next  year...and that I will have the same type of amazing experience. I am STOKED! so WATCH OUT....3rd tries a charm right? ha!

3. After reading some race reports on Eugene on Sunday (this was BEFORE I knew about Emily's experience)...I felt something pressing in my heart that THIS was the marathon I want to run next year. I can't explain it but thinking about it, it just felt RIGHT.
Then after reading Emily's Blog post this morning....I felt a stirring in my heart, a spiritual confirmation if you will of the feelings I had Sunday that Eugene 2013 will be my next marathon. I don't think I'm going to go back to Boston quite yet. I know some of you will think that's a stupid decision but Eugene just feels right and I've never been disappointed when i've listened to my GUT feeling:)

So there you have it......
that's my update.
Trying to keep strong...doing RandomAbs.com/today workout every day for the next 6 weeks....come join the challenge with me !!
and just trying to remain positive and fight through the next 5wks.
cant' wait to get back out there and kick my own butt!!

xxx
N.

Okay...lets start over: here's the REAL MRI results

To say this week has been a ROLLER COASTER of emotions is a HUGE understatment.
One minute I'm optimistic about my future, the next I am ready to just disappear.

Here are the results:

1. Primary stress lines in both femoral heads: 
* Concern is that I COULD be pre-osteoporatic (but lets hope not!)
-this makes me so mad b/c I take MORE supplements than anyone I know and the BEST ones in the highest, purest concentrations. it just doesn't make sense.
-I am supposed to go get a Bone density test:( Now I get to stress about degenerative disease. great.

2. Stress reaction/mild stress fracture in my femur. 
*MINIMUM of 8wks off to start...then see where we're at.
-boo. another year of the Sauvie half marathon down the drain. this will be year 3 I have missed it.
The thought of taking off AT LEAST 6 more weeks and then re-evaluate makes me feel sick right now.

3. Mild Tendonitis in both hamstrings. 
-enough said. totally awesome right?;)


So far, these are the ideas that have been thrown around:

1. I am probably not going to be able to run more than 40-50 miles a week. Ever.:(
2. I am going to have to stick to 3-4days a week running:(
3. I will have to introduce a lot more cross training.


I will sit down with John next week when he is back in town to discuss all the things we need to change.....I"m not sure what else to expect at this point.

I feel blessed that i will still be able to run, but disappointed that I will probably never get to do high mileage-Really enjoyed it. I am not sure how this will effect my chances of ever getting those fast times in the marathon if I can't put the  mileage in. it's disappointing.

For now, my plan is to: 
1. NOT gain 20lbs
2. Learn to love the eliptical and pool jogging
3. NOT fall into a deep depression the next few months.
4. TRY to let this situation turn me into a better person. 

I feel like this injury is so premature:( I was still GRATEFUL to be running everyday after my last stress fracture. i hadn't yet gotten to the place where I take it for granted. This just feels like a huge blow to my heart.

Bottom line: 

IT IS WHAT IT IS. Sink or swim. I choose to swim (no pun intended;)).

well well well....New MRI DIAGNOSIS.....

So, I got the REAL diagnosis today:)

I have a STRESS REACTION  of the FEMORAL HEAD. 

This diagnosis makes A LOT more sense for the pain i've had.
I feel GOOD about this...I think this is the BEST possible out come I could have had.
1. it's NOT  a FRACTURE, thank goodness!! less healing time
2. it's bone.it will heal and I can move on.
3. it's NOT soft tissue...the damn tendon thing was stressing me out. i don't want to deal with LONG recovery time or PT etc.


I am so happy that I KNOW what's wrong. It's strange to feel so damn HAPPY about a stress reaction lol, but I do. I'm sure this will wear off.
I am waiting to hear from John exactly how many more weeks I have to take off...but I'm hoping it s no more than 4, since I've already been off for 16 days!


SOOOOOO....here 's is my rehab plan.
It's really important to me that I am able to maintain some fitness. last year I didn't do a lot during my fibula stress fracture and I felt like I was starting over after 2 mos off. This time I am going to pool jog like a champ!


I've heard lots of testimonials about how pool jogging can help you maintain a lot of fitness.....so here's my plan!


Pool jogging 5 days a week!!! YES, and you can hold me to it!


My only concern is that i've done  nothing for 16 days and Pete Pfitzinger says


Most of the benefits of training are reversible. Your cardiovascular fitness decreases measurably after 2-3 weeks without training. Studies have shown, however, that with reduced training you can maintain your fitness at almost the same level for several months. 


I think I have already lost most of my cardio fitness and I'm not sure if I can get it BACK? I know he says I can maintain but I should have been doing this 2wks ago in order for that to work. 


regardless...it's my ONLY hope at this point!
I want to race the Sauvie half marathon on July 4! I've missed it for 2 years and I'm not missing it again!




So here's the schedule!
http://pfitzinger.com/labreports/9wkH2O.htm

wish me LUCK!

I avoid talking to people when I feel like this...

well...here we are at the end of the week. It will be one week tomorrow since my Non-Boston race:)
I am dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings. I don't feel angry...i don't feel overly depressed....I just feel a bit frustrated and discouraged. My step-dad had to block his number to get me to answer his call today:(
I'm horrible. I find I am not answering the phone...i am not calling my friends even when I feel desperate to talk to someone.
I pick up the phone to call, and then I hear myself saying "why would you call her? she doesn't need to listen to your whining. you have nothing positive to say about this situation today and you suck at pretending you're okay when you're not, so don't bother".
then I put down the phone. not sure HOW many times I have done that the last few days.

I read over the MRI report again and noticed it said "Possible tear of the hamstring tendon at the issial tuberosity". awesome. All the research I have done on this so far screams "Sucks to be you Nicole!". it's an injury that requires A LOT of rehabilitation. doesn't look like I'll be running anytime soon. This is what kills me.
the thought of taking another 2 or MORE months off and having to start over AGAIN in the fall is enough to make me want to go drive my car into a brick wall right now.

I have A LOT of other emotionally draining "issues" outside of running right now and so i need running more than ever and it's not there. I am going to try the eliptical tomorrow, but I will just feel angry and frustrated the whole I'm on there (maybe not, but wouldn't surprise me) because I HATE the eliptical. However, at this point, i am willing to do ANYTHING to get my heart rate up and SWEAT again.

My Step dad called from canada today and told me he would buy me a bike:) this was so sweet. I hate the bike but I actually got excited. there is  a 3mi out and back (6 total) bike path right beside my apartment so i think I could start doing that in the morning a few times:)

**here's where I need your help ! for anyone that bikes or does Tri's..what kind of bike do I get? it can't be super expensive b/c that would be rude. but I don't even know where to begin? the last time I rode a bike, I think I was 12:)
Maybe this will get me to goal of a triathalon and iron man sooner than I thought:) you never know. I didn't expect to start training for those for another 10yrs but maybe this will bump it up to 8:)

I took my girls to the 2 mile running/walking loop at the nearby golf course today..they were running like crazy, so I tried to follow and jog REALLY slow...only for 100m or so at a time..the weakness type pain in the front of my thigh was gone, but I could immediately feel the pain and tightness in my hammy/butt and IT band.
It was discouraging...it seemed to yell even louder in my face: "You are NOT returning to running anytime soon girl"  it broke my heart. AGAIN.

I am sorry I have not been commenting much or reading blogs. i'ts just hard to do right now.i am trying to find that "spot" where I will be able to cope the next few months. It will probably take some dr's visits, some encouraging news before I get there.
I AM getting  a second read and opinion on the MRI images so maybe we can actually get a 100% concrete answer.

anyway....that's all for me now. Going to keep cleaning my apartment and hope that it brings some endorphins my way lol.

N.